Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer:
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness to the stand, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do
know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and
frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie,
you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them
behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains
to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She
replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he
was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice
is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women, one of whom was your wife. Yes, I
know him."
The defense attorney almost died. The judge ordered the counsels
to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of
you bastards asks that bitch if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry
asses in jail for contempt."