May I have your attention, please

I want to tell you all something which is likely to be fairly shocking. Two things actually. Some of you know that several months ago Richard expressed to me that he wanted a divorce. We agreed that it would wait while I got some counseling to address my intimacy issues, as this was his biggest complaint about life with me. In fact, this has been a common complaint in all of my failed marriages. I dislike sexual intimacy, which brings me to my second "announcement". I am a lesbian. It is difficult for me to share this with my family, but I need desperately to come out. I have known I am attracted to women since puberty although for many years I convinced myself that I was just a little curious, I accepted it enough to identify as at least bi-sexual in my mid-20s because of an affair I had with a close girlfriend while I was in the Army which made it impossible for me to continue to deny my sexuality. After leaving Kirk I had a briefer, less intimate, relationship and felt such horrible guilt that I confessed to my bishop and was advised that I should repent and that if I would live my life with faith then God would bless me with the strength to overcome my sinful desires. And so I tried very hard to be what I was supposed to be. And fell in love with my visiting teaching partner.

Richard was aware before we married that I was attracted to women and had had lesbian relationships in the past. I still clung to the idea that I was bisexual and could successfully lead a hetero life. I am not and cannot. Richard and I are divorcing as amicably as is possible and probably will not file until June so that Ed can graduate here. I will not be able to live on my income in a decent neighborhood here in New Jersey and will likely move to Salt Lake next summer. Sandy is aware that Richard and I are splitting and I believe the boys also have an idea. I have not told my kids that I am a lesbian, but I will. It is important that they hear it from me. I am not out publicly and am not dating anyone.

I hope with all my heart that you all will continue to love me and show your support for me like you have in the past. I am the same person I have always been, but now you know something about me that you didn't before. I love you all.